Monday 30 June 2014

Wednesday 18 June 2014

my eating disorder story

Growing up I was a nervous, shy and anxious child I loved sport especially running mainly because that's the only thing I was good at I wasn't exactly book smart.
I grew up in a small village where everyone new everyone, my friends were friends since I was a toddler it was a lovely place to grow up in.

I began to have an eating disorder when I was in high school I hated the way I looked and my confidence at got lower and my anxiety got higher. I didn't have a good experience in high school with my education, friends and hating myself.

I began to diet when I was 11 -13 I would lose weight before Christmas so I didn't get fat from all the yummy food, it didn't become a more of a problem till I was 14 where I wasn't happy and thought is all I have to do lose weight.
 so I began stopping eating at the chippy at lunch and eating junk I was working out more I had one good friend slept over at mine and the next morning I made her run around the green at the back of my house. She wasn't impressed but that was the only thing that made me happy running, running from my problems running away from my self .

The summer holidays came and went and I was dreading going back to school I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling I have every day just the thought of school made me feel sick and filled with dread..I managed to go for the first days it was our year where we chose what we wanted to study, I picked different to my other friends so I was in classes with people I liked, though I had some good friends in the classes with me id had such a terrible few years I just didn't want to be their any more. I no longer wanted to be at school so I stopped going my mum would drag me out of bed she even chased me around the green but wasn't fast enough to catch me.
after a few weeks of my mum trying to get me to go I had the school head come to my house.
this is the man that wouldn't let me change form because I was the trouble starter as he thought.
He came sit on my bed  as I wouldn't go down stairs my mum was there we weren't alone .
He began  to ask me why I said i just don't want to be there I said I just didn't.
he got me to agree to go back slowly I was geared up to go back the Monday on the Friday I saw one of the girls I told her I was going back and she told me don't expect any of us to hang out with you, we have new friends now. this upset me but I went and regretted it they did what they said they were gong to do so I didn't want to go back I was done with the place.


 In the end they let me be home schooled, the feeling i had every morning knowing I didn't have to make an excuse not to go to school on Sundays I could be happy that i wasn't going to get that sinking feeling id dreaded. I was happy though i did miss my so called friends just because I grew up with them and i missed out on the special moments of school leavers where everyone signed their shirts and prom.
I would see people around the town bump into them but they ignored me apart from one he always said hello.

Over the next 2 years my eating was up and down then it came to going to college and I wanted to look my best so I began to diet even more it got out of control and was 7 half stone by term time.
I went to get the bus and the people I ran away from was on the bus my new start with new friends wasn't looking so new I was just glad they were doing a different course.

In my first year I made loads new friends was happy but my eating had got worse I loved losing weight and I wanted to lose more I went down to 5 half stone my mum was worried she took me to the doctors they sent a nurse to my house every week to weight me and give me calorific milk shakes as if that was going to make me put on weight.
Couple of memories that stick in my head is one when my mum made my favourite tea beans on toast she cut the toast in to squares like when I was a child but I just couldn't bring myself to eat it she burst into tears and said " why wont you eat please don't want you to die" I threw the food and it hit the wall the juice from the beans were dripping down the wall toast all over the floor and my mum crying on the floor so helpless of knot knowing what to do. I didn't like making her sad I  didn't want to die I just didn't want to be fat.
Another time was when we were shopping for clothes I picked this top i thought was pretty tried it on and showed mum she just looked at me and cried there in the changing room i thought I looked nice but I could tell form her face i didn't her face said it all.

I was enjoying my first summer holidays from college my grades weren't great but I passed  then one day I new something was going on I just got a feeling, I was up stairs watching Dawson's creek and mum told me to come down I took my best Friend pepper (my cat since I was 1) I was so scared I held her so tight. I went into the living room and there were 3 doctors to section me as I wasn't putting on weight I was sobbing I couldn't breath I didn't want to go I kept saying I'm not going crying begging my mum for me not to go but she just wanted me to be well so I agreed.

They didn't have a space for me at the eating disorder hospital so they put me on a mental ward they told my mum it was another eating disorder ward but it was full of crazies she wasn't aloud to go onto the ward they were people sitting around a battered old TV just staring I kept phoning my mum to come get me but she said no.

I couldn't see myself staying there the whole weekend there was a woman their with blood on her hands screaming she killed someone I was petrified I locked my door huddled in the corner and phoned my mum crying she came up the next day horrified where they put me, I stayed home till the Monday then went to the priory.

I was told if I didn't go they would section me for 28 days maybe more, so I stayed I had my own room there were 8 other girls all a lot sicker than me I had to have my blood taken every other day, given pills to take and weighed every morning in  my underwear.
I was nervous the nurse told me we are looking at you who would want to see your body which didn't help my confidence and made me feel very uncomfortable
Every day we would have counselling 3 times a day a days food diary was about 3000 calories and we weren't allowed to walk, so we didn't burn off calories one girl was heard working out and she got told off.
Every night I was there 2 weeks in total I slept about 10 hours, I just led their looking out the window thinking how did i get to this place, why do they have a problem with me being slim there's nothing wrong with me.

My mum would visit every day I missed home so much and pepper id never spent more than 3 days away from her and I was heart broken not having her with me.
Each day was the same boring talking being surrounded by people that I didn't know and didn't want to be there each day trying to get out int he end I started to put on weight just to get out I put on half a stone.
my mum was  late one time not her fault it was the guy who brought her which resulted in me having a panic attack, I was on the floor struggling to breath and then mum had to leave I couldn't stand the place any more.

I managed to go home for the weekend as I wasn't sleeping I missed the familiarity of home and as my mum suspected I wouldn't go back, I couldn't handle being away from home I needed help whilst I'm in my own home surround with people I trusted I think the NHS let me down before I went to hospital I asked for a councillor but they didn't provide me with one and after I left hospital they didn't bother with me, if they had given me the helped I needed years previously instead of a nurse and milk shakes my story could of been completely different.

In the end even after I left the hospital I was still suffering  was 6 stone 3 for the next few years then when I was 19 I decided I didn't want to be this way any more, I had had enough of going to bed worried if I was going to wake up the next morning my mum was scared to some in my room in case I had died in the night the pain I was causing her broke my heart that's thankfully I got better and though I may wobble now and again I want to be healthy that's my main goal.

Where I am in my life now is I'm doing a degree in business studies yes the girl who hated school is getting a degree go me and health wise I'm in a good place to those out there suffering you can come out the other side I hope you get the help you need.

Eating disorders are never about food its about control i was unhappy and food was the only thing I could control.



signs someone you know may have a problem

wearing baggy clothing so you don't see how much weight is being lost
not eating with family making excuses or not eating what they usually would
low self esteem
exercising more

help sites
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

http://www.b-eat.co.uk/


Simple eye balm review




I have never used a eye cream before so just turning 28 I decided that I need to add an eye cream to my routine. The simple eye balm is meant to sooth, nourish and make the eyes brighter.
As a contact wearer my eye area does tend to get dry and sore I also get little bumps under my eyes, I have been using this product for a month and have seen a difference in my under eyes they are less bumpy and less dry and sore and more nourished.
A little tip I like to keep mine in the fridge as in the morning and night it cools my eyes and reduces bags and dark circles.
I am a big fan of simple as I do have sensitive skin and this brand were made for those like me they also it is filled with skin loving ingredients.
• Pro- Vitamin B5 actively restores, softens and smooth
• Vitamin E moisturises to improve skin condition

• Jojoba Oil soothes and protects
• Shea Butter nurtures and replenishes
• Bisabolol soothes and calms

It has no perfume or colours and Dermatologically Tested and Approved

Overall I was very happy with this product and will be repurchasing it

http://www.boots.com/en/Simple-Kind-To-Eyes-Soothing-Eye-Balm-15ml_53079/

brand review palmers

palmers product review






The palmers brand is a well known brand for helping with scars, stretch marks and evening out skin tone and also softening dry skin.
I have used this brand for many years every night I use the palmers body butter body lotion it has really helped with a few scars I have on my legs from being a accident prone child I had a really deep indent ant cut on my leg where I slipped getting on a bus in winter a lovely old man help me up as I cried walking home, the lotion has made the scar almost disappear.

A couple of year is ago I started to get acne in my early 20's and me being me I would pick them which resulted in scaring, it was hard to cover up the marks with make up, then I was watching TV and saw the palmers oil advert my first thought is that I need that in my life.
 I new the cream had helped my scars on my legs but was so thick for my face so I ran out and bout it and only a few months after using it I saw a huge difference my once clear skin was clear again and it was so nice not to have to cover up the scars with makeup if you have acne scars I recommend this to you. Apply a couple times a day and you will see the results I use it instead of a moisturiser in the morning its not greasy and you can put your makeup on straight away.

Though I always use the palmers body lotion I for some reason never used the hand lotion looking back I was mad as I bought it for my mum for Christmas as she has really dry hands and after a while she noticed that not only where her hands feeling silky soft but her nails where growing faster and stronger.
she told me I needed to use it as my nails are flimsy after a few weeks I notice my nails had suddenly grown and were really strong, great condition and weren't bendable anymore.

Tuesday 17 June 2014

Summer hair routine







My summer hair care routine


In winter my hair care routine is all about nourishing my hair making it luscious and give it volume, in the summer it changes slightly with the weather heating up my routine is to protect my hair from heat damage so the products I use change slightly.

I wash my hair every 3 days I want to keep the natural oils in my hair but as it  gets slightly oily from the heat and working out I use a dry shampoo and it works wonders and it has extra volume.

I stop drying air and let it dry naturally I have long hair and with the natural heat in the air it dries within 2 hours, I'm cutting out he heat from the drier so less damage.

I still use a hair mask once a week the boots coconut and almond one smells amazing like your relaxing on a beach (I wish literally) as I still want glossy hair, I apply it to the mid to tips of my hair for 3 Min's after shampooing and then wash off.

The next  product I use is a head and hair protector it has spf30 stops the hair getting  damaged and protects the scalp. finishing with a hair oil that gives the ends shine


 
 


http://www.boots.com/en/LOreal-Elvive-Extraordinary-Oil-UV-Filter-for-All-Hair-Types-100ml_1262085/ hair oil

http://www.boots.com/en/Soltan-Head-Hair-Dry-Touch-Transparent-Suncare-Spray-SPF30-75ml_1207168/ hair protection

http://www.boots.com/en/Batiste-Dry-Shampoo-XXL-Volume-Big-Bouncy-200ml_1228543/ dry shampoo

http://www.boots.com/en/LOreal-Paris-Elvive-Nutri-Gloss-Crystal-Sparkling-Shampoo-400ml_1250639/ shampoo

http://www.boots.com/en/LOreal-Paris-Elvive-Nutri-Gloss-Crystal-Sparkling-Conditioner-400ml_1250635/ conditioner

http://www.boots.com/en/Boots-Ingredients-Coconut-Almond-Intensive-Hair-Mask-350ml_863453/
hair mask






Monday 9 June 2014

15 facts about me

15 facts about me







1, My favourite TV show is the big bang theory I have watched every episode MANY times and still chuckle at the same parts I have a little crush on Sheldon.

2, Growing up I always wanted to be a dancer, even in school I was always at the front dancing away at the school disco sadly I never took lessons my big regret but still get to dance my booty around the livening room lol

3, I'm the shyest person you 'l no, I'm really out going and quirky with friends but around people I don't no and new situations I  go completely quiet and in to my shell hiding hoping to blend into the background.

4, I cant wait to travel the world when I graduate I'm going by myself which in itself is going to be a big adventure to me I'm planning on going to south Africa and Fiji to do some conservation work on a big 5 game reserve and marine conservation to I love the ocean its a magical place. Also America Nashville, new York, Boston, California the list goes on.

5, I'm a loyal friend and I will do anything for my friend they are like family to me.

6, I have anxiety and panic attacks I'm doing OK for now and fingers crossed it stays like that as its awful to have it.

7, I'm a total an utter klutz I trip up over my own feet way too many times, slip on crisp packets, fall up and down stairs I've fractured and hurt my self way too many times to count I really should wear a bubble suit I'm a danger to myself.

8, I'm a big day dreamer I could easily lose so many hours in a day, day dreaming some times dreams are better than reality but I'm working on my dreams being my reality :)

9, I have terrible insomnia its currently 130 am in the UK and instead of being in the land of nod I'm watching big bang and typing away I have learnt to live on very little sleep its a skill but would much rather sleep counting sheep 1, 2, 3 ....... nope still awake who needs sleep nay ways right?

10, growing up I love to run I don't mean playing with Friends running around I did that but I just loved to run kind of like Forrest Gump  I remember one time my friend Abby  had a sleep over the next morning 7 am I had he running around this little green area behind my house she wasn't impressed cant blame her really lol.

11, I used to be such a walk over have my kindness taken as weakness I've learnt that to treat others how thy treat me I like to treat others how i want to be treated but some take advantage so I have learnt who are worth making the effort for and who aren't.

12, one of my annoying habits is I like to sin ALL the time most the time i don't even no the words so I'm basically making lyrics up but I will do it any were even around the shops and may some times add a little dance in there too as I'm walking around the isles.

13, i hate those who hurt animals I don't no how some can hurt such beautiful creatures some humans are the evils animal of them all.

14, I'm a big procrastinated I leave things to the last minute every time I say I will do things head of time but that never happens.

15, I grew up in a village small town surrounded by fields, farms moving to the city or just out side it I miss being surrounded by green things being able to go for a walk in the fields in the summer I'm a country/ beach girl at heart.

Sunday 8 June 2014

wedding guest

wedding guest ideas

Wedding season Is here a day to celebrate those we love finding love, but most of us may have a number of weddings to attend of the summer and don't want to spend a fortune but still look like a million dollars here are some beautiful but affordable outfits for the big day.

This is a beautiful vibrant watermelon off the shoulder knee length dress with lace detail at the waist showing off the smallest part of your body is from www.asos.com £52 pair  it with a white sandals and clutch and you will look elegant but at a reasonable price.


A floral dress is a go to dress for spring this dress is gorgeous it is classic but with a  modern print I love the coral in the dress team it with a coral sandal and your set for a beautiful day with friends and family. www.oasis-store.com £55



Those who are pregnant in summer going to a wedding can be a nightmare to dress for you want to be comfortable but still look stunning I think maxi dresses are amazing whether pregnant or not this one is a beautiful green showing of your waist above your bump but loose around the bump making it comfortable to wear all daylong I recommend it pair either with a very small wedge or a flat sequined sandal this is a great buy at only £19.99 www.newlook.com

If like me you find it hard to find dresses as you are bigger on the bottom than the top a skirt is a great option this is a pretty blue skirt teamed with a simple but elegant white top and sandal it will take you from day to night and look great in all those pictures. www.asos.com skirt £35 top £8.99


If you prefer a trouser this a a great option on trend with the pale pastel pink with a embellished top looks smart and wedding appropriate but comfortable, stylish and on trend you wont look out of place in these pretty cigarette trousers www.riverisland.co.uk trouser £30 top £35.

I hope you like the outfits I've shown you and they give you some ideas for your events in the summer.

Saturday 7 June 2014

Sun kissed

With myself being a pale gal in the summer I like to look at least sun kissed and glowing like I've step off a beach from sun bathing all day well maybe not that sun tanned just not so Casper.

This is my go too look if I want to look healthy and glowing the bronzer I use is from my Estee Lauder deluxe all over face compact pallet it is the prefect bronzer for me not too orange or dark so suited my Casper complexion.











 


My base is No7 foundation, concealer and loose setting powder in calico I then used the beauty UK posh no1 Eden eye shadow palette on my eyes to create a smoky bronze look, I used the first shadow all over the eye lid blended then applied the second shadow over the top all over again and blended it out. I also used the second shadow on the bottom lashes making sure to blend really well to give it that smoky eye I then applied the last shadow in the crease and outer edge of my eye to give it extra dimension as the metallic gives it that goddess sun kissed look. I used the pale cream shadow under the brow and inner corner to open and brighten then the eyes.

I then used the Estee Lauder soft matt bronzer 01 in the deluxe all over face compact to contour slightly my checks taking it up to my temple and to finish the look I used Estee lauder pure colour long lasting lipstick in sunstone

Purple smoky eye

For any woman a smoky eye is a classic go to look for a night out, I have spiced it up a little with a layered purple smoky eye to change it up, keeping the rest of the face natural concentrating on showing of the eyes.






 


 
To get this look I first applied the palest shade all over the lid I used Estee lauder pale moon
on top of that I then applied Estee lauder berry ice to give it an added dimension. make sure you blend that's the key to getting any smoky eye, I also put this on my bottom lashes to and blended it out. I then added a metallic berry shadow to the outer edge and crease from a palette I was given.
I applied 2 coats of mascara in black on upper and lower lashes. I used Estee lauder ivory box under my brow and in the corner of my eye
I kept the rest of the look simple hint of blush and dabbed on a bit of raspberry colour lipstick to added a hint of colour so the eyes were the main focus.
 
 

 



 
 

 

Beauty UK eye palette review

Beauty UK posh eye palette No1 Eden  review posh


If you ask me you can never have enough neutral eye shadow palettes, I was recently in Superdrug and came across this palette, every colour is wearable, though only 2 out of the 10 shadows are matt the metallic ones can be used for the day as they aren't glittery. when the natural light hits them they just glisten perfect for summer if you want that golden goddess look.

The shadows themselves are wonderful to use and wear, they are creamy especially the 2 matt they apply beautifully with fingers and brushes. you can layer them up to get a more defined bold look and blend really well for the price they are really pigmented so well worth buying.

The palette is a steal at only £5.99 here's the link http://www.superdrug.com/eye-make-up/beauty-uk-posh-palette-no-1/invt/684251&bklist=

 
 



Friday 6 June 2014

Flower nail art

Flower power nails




Here is a simple by hand flower nail art all you need is 3 nail polishes and a top/base coat and a pen.



First apply your base coat I used Barry m then apply 2-3 coats of your base I used Barry m prickly pear let them dry completely

select the colour you want for the petals I chose  Barry m navy dab a little onto a plate (don't worry nail polish remover will remove it and wont damage it ) dab the end of the pen in the polish and to make the flower make 5 little dots in a circle I've done 3 flowers if you have longer nails 3-4 will be fine I recommend you do all the petals on every finger and thumbs then go back to do the centres.

After the petals have dried chose your 3rd colour I've used Barry m Red wine and use the pen make sure you have cleaned it of the previous polish and dab a dot in the middle of each flower leave to dry and apply a top coat.




Tuesday 3 June 2014

yay or nay?

These days we are used to seeing celebrities wearing next to nothing on stage the likes of Ellie Goulding, Rhianna, beyoncy wearing basically underwear on stage.

As I was looking through the gossip sites I saw a picture of Rhianna at the council of fashion designers of America being awarded the fashion icon award and to say she didn't leave much to the imagination is an underestimated, she may as well gone to the awards naked, she was wearing a see through dress and a thong and that it leaving the world to see what her mother gave her.

I'm a 28 year old woman an I'm disgusted how female singers dress these days wearing like I said underwear on stage and in music videos why do they do that? does sex really sell? do you have to go half naked to sell records these days as a female?

You never see male artists dancing around in pants but they manage to sell records but even in their videos they have woman dancing around in next to nothing pit bull, usher the list goes on woman are still being seen as sex objects and nothing else if Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato can sell records without taking their clothes off why do other female celebs feel the need? are they using what they got to sell records because their music isn't good enough?

what's your opinion on what Rhianna and how other female celebs dress?




my trip to oxford

I love to take photographs and sit back and look at them, the other day I was looking at some old ones I took last year whilst I was in oxford England.

Growing up I used to watch inspector Morse and Lewis which was set in oxford the place looked quaint with beautiful architecture so I was so excited to go august 2013. I found a hotel to stay in along the river Thames with idyllic views and old fashion streets surrounding it.

Arriving at the hotel I was blown away with how stunning the views were in person, wondering around the streets and of the beaten track alley ways seeing the places that I had seen on the telly for years, taking tours around the universities they used for scenes on the shows.

The architecture were magnificent I was in ore of how these old building had stood there for many  years, it was like stepping back in time I was only there for 4 days but dream of moving there one day here are a few of the pictures that I took on my trip enjoy.